A picture of grief and pride

This is my brother, Pete's, brigade. I can't wait until he's home and out of harm's way...but by then Shawn will be in Afghanistan. I just pray that I feel all the pride and very little of the grief.

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It's a Girl!!

We had our half-way ultrasound appointment this week, where they measure the head and bones, check the flow of the blood through the umbilical cord, and look for certain parts. Shawn was such a little kid, pointing and asking questions and pacing around in the room. The baby wasn't exactly cooperative, rolling over to face her back to us and going to sleep. But toward the end, we were able to get a good picture of her bottom, and those parts were nowhere to be found! It's a GIRL!!!

There's suddenly this new sense of pressure and fear about raising a daughter, especially in times like these. I'm starting to think about the things I want to be sure to teach her about being a girl and a woman and having respect for herself and compassion for others. I want her to be proud and secure but careful and cautious. I want her to be a woman of God and not be focused on men, but I also want her to be good to men and know what qualities to look for in a man. I want her to be successful but not so driven that she loses sight of the tiny things in the world.
Most of all, I want her to know, to really know, that from the moment we learned she was coming into this world, we loved her.

For Tina

My little gymnast

We went to our 12-week check up today. I was really worried because 3 years ago today, our son died at 12 weeks gestation. I was convinced there would be nothing good about today's appointment. Silly logic, I know, but I just couldn't believe we'd make it past 12 weeks (never have before). But low and behold, as soon as the doctor started the ultasound, little baby was doing kicks and jumps like my uterus was a trampoline. Of course, as soon as we started trying to take her measurements, she tucked her feet up and curled into a ball. (She's head down in these pictures)


Then, as if she was suddenly tired and ready for a nap, little baby put her hand up to her face and started sucking her thumb. The picture isn't the greatest (the stills are never as good as the live pictures), but you can see her hand near her mouth.


The best part is that the doctor said that we are officially out of the woods...we're gonna have a baby! Shawn and I are both scared, but happy. We're definitely overwhelmed with all that this means for us and all the planning and getting ready. But I'm so head-over-heels in love with Shawn and now with this baby that I'm ready for whatever my little family brings me.

He's HOME!!!

Homecoming yesterday was awesome. Even though I just saw Shawn 9 weeks ago on R&R, I was so emotional when their plane landed (they had a live feed piped in so we could see them flying in, landing, and disembarking) and then bawled when he walked in the door to line up in formation. We endured the longest welcome home speech I've ever sat through (though it probably only lasted about 10 minutes total) and then I held Shawn's sign up so he could come to me since I can't move very fast these days. When I finally had my arms around him, I fell apart. It was soooo wonderful to feel the relief and comfort of his embrace again. We came home for a few hours until his fever (he's been fighting the flu for the past week) kicked back in and I sent him to his sister's so I don't catch what he's got, especially with the pregnancy. I'll see him again in a couple of days, which is difficult, but it's just nice to know he's home for a little while. Next mission is scheduled for November and is expected to last a year, after which he'll be retiring. I think it's time, after 24 years, don't you? Enjoy the pictures.
Oh, by the way, my professional photographer never showed, never called, and didn't answer her phone when I called to find out where she was. Luckily, my friend Ashley was there (her husband came home already) and was the great photographer who took all these wonderful pictures. As far as that photographer goes, not very professional, if you ask me. Oh well, it worked out in the end, but I won't be hiring her for anything else.

Shawn's big ole head

Well, the baby has Shawn's head. And apparently my will to survive. I've been on and off bed rest and some days there's more to worry about than others. Why can't I be like most women and just have an uneventful easy pregnancy? My mom is convinced two things will happen - the baby will give me all the worries in the world throughout the pregnancy and then be a complete sweetheart after birth because she got it all out in the womb. Or this is just a sign of things to come! And just to be clear, we don't know yet if it's a girl or boy, but I've just been calling the baby "her". Here's the latest ultrasound picture:

So far, so good

Things have not been easy during this pregnancy. I've had lots of spotting, and been totally convinced that I've lost the pregnancy on several occasions. But somehow, God has allowed this baby to be strong enough to keep on growing. I'm 8 weeks exactly and today I got to hear the heartbeat for the very first time. I sobbed - it was the most beautiful sound in the world. I continue to pray, thanking God for this blessing and asking for his continued presence with this baby to allow her to grow and thrive.

Baby Bentley needs prayer

I'm just about 7 weeks pregnant now. I've been having some complications already and for some reason, my body is trying to miscarry the baby. I've already had two miscarriages in a row and so I finally have a doctor who is willing to do whatever we can to help give this baby the best chance possible of making it. I ended up in the ER on Sunday after bleeding on Friday and again Sunday morning. Everything was okay on Sunday and I had my follow-up appointment today and everything was going fine. I'm now on some medication that will hopefully God-willing keep anything more from happening. And my doctor will see me once a week and keep track of my blood levels.

So I'm just asking that if it's in your faith to do so, please pray that our baby makes it this time. I know he or she is a fighter so far, but I'm just praying that baby makes it. This baby is so very much wanted and loved and I'm going to do whatever it takes to bring her into the world. So fingers crossed, prayers said...wanna meet my baby in February!

R&R Mission Accomplished

Due in February!

I love R&R

Too busy to write, so here's a picture to SHOW you how R&R is going:

Girly Weekend!

Laura got here on Thursday and it has been a fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants kind of weekend. Thursday we went shopping, came home to drink wine, and watched Twilight. Friday morning we got up and packed the car and headed to Seattle to catch the ferry. We drove all the way around the peninsulas and headed up 101 toward Port Angeles. As soon as we hit Port Angeles, we went shopping!
There was some horrible woman who was trying to convince everyone in the store that it was stupid to buy things from Twilight because it wasn't even filmed in Forks. She must not read. Stupid, horrible woman. After shopping, we walked up and down the main street of stores (where I bought the cutest pair of shorts) and then ended at Bella Italia for a late lunch/early dinner. We enjoyed a couple of (very expensive) glasses of wine, and I realized that I DO have cleavage! I also, of course, had to have the mushroom ravioli (it made me horribly sick about 6 hours later).


After we ate, we headed to our end-destination...FORKS! We did our own version of a Twilight tour and visited the hospital,
the police department, Bella's truck, the high school, , the Swan house,
and our favorite, the Cullen house.


Edward was home, he just couldn't come out because it was so freaking sunny. He was sad. So were we.
We headed out of Forks yesterday and drove down the coast toward home. Last night was pizza and cream soda and girly movies.
Today, we're heading to Seattle, hoping to avoid the crazy amounts of traffic and the crazy amounts of hippies (at the folk-life festival). So there will be more updates to come.

Yay for sparkly girly weekends!

My "I Love You" surprise from Shawn

It started with a few pointed statements in Shawn's emails; things like "I'm sending you something big soon - you might need a strapping man's help getting it in the house" and "I'll be home sooner than you think".

Then we had our May FRG meeting yesterday at the armory and Nick (AKA SFC Erickson, AKA rear-D) asked me in passing a simple question that put all of Shawn's recent mushy emails into a new context. Nick asked if I was excited about seeing Shawn in a couple of weeks.

WHAT?!?!?!?!?

So I sent Shawn a little email telling him about the secret that "a little birdie" told me.

Shawn emailed this morning that Erickson was going to pay a heavy price for spilling the beans to me. Apparently, according to Stephanie - Shawn's roommate's girlfriend of 5 years - Shawn has been planning this for a long time and Stephanie has been dying to tell me but was sworn to secrecy.

Oh well. Now I know! I promised Shawn that he still has the opportunity to surprise me because I don't know any of the specifics.

All I do know is that after spending the last 9 months assuming we wouldn't be one of the lucky ones to get R&R, I'm ever grateful that we in fact are going to get those special two weeks together.

I so can't wait!!

Bittersweet

This wish for a happy mother's day is especially for those whose children were just too precious and beautiful for Earth. I love you all. Happy MOMMY'S day to my beautiful Angel Mommies.

The Most Boring Game Ever

This past Saturday night was the Mariners' Armed Forces Appreciation game, which basically means they had all the tickets at discounted prices and there were lots of service members in uniform present.

Pete and I got stuck in traffic because there was also a Supercross show going on across the street at Qwest Field and apparently the entire state of Washington arrived to attend at least one of the events. Anyway, we ended up missing the opening ceremonies when they did all the military stuff. When we got to our seats there was an old man and his very, very big son with him. Plus, the seats were smack dab in the middle of the row and I didn't feel like climbing over everyone so we just sat a few rows back in some empty seats.



I got myself some nachos and a beer and Pete had some peanuts. And we spent the next hour or so just waiting for someone (anyone) to get a run. I think some time in the 6th inning, the Tigers got two runs. And that's about when Pete decided he wanted some Rally Fries. So we walked around and he stood in line to wait for his fries. And that was about it until the game was over (2-0 Tigers).



About the most exciting thing that happened was that while waiting in line for my second beer I ran into an old classmate who I've known since I was 12. We went to middle school, high school, and college together and haven't seen each other for about 6 years. During our junior year of college, we were paired to dance the waltz at our annual luau. That was awkward, seeing as how his recent ex-girlfriend had ditched him as had mine and that's how we got paired and every other dancing couple in the waltz was an actual lovey-dovey couple. But we ended up having fun with it. The cool part about running into Mike was that he kept telling me over and over how good I looked. A much-needed stroke to my ego. Lord knows it's not coming from anywhere else!

(P.S. Anyone from Kamehameha will understand the shock of seeing Mike wearing this t-shirt!)


Anyway, after the game, I decided I wanted to have a little more alcohol, but I wasn't interested in paying $8 a beer anymore, so I suggested we go hit a bar before going home. Of course, on the way there I decided I was just too tired to do that, so we swung by Safeway, picked up some cheap wine and a pizza and headed to the house. However some time between getting a shower and actually drinking the wine, Pete and I both passed out on the couch. Some time around 5am, the animals started climbing up on top of me, so I scooted off to bed for another couple of hours.

Yep, a pretty uneventful day. But it was at least good to spend time with the bro for a bit.

Shawn's Birthday Present

So I finally got Shawn's box finished and mailed yesterday. Along with a whole mass of oatmeal cream pies, I also sent him my target from some shooting I did recently (he'd be proud), this pillow,

and this video:

I think he'll like his present!

Twilight Widower

Shawn is a "Twilight Widower". I've been so caught up in the stories that I've completely failed to mail his birthday box - yes, I know his birthday was two days ago.

So far, I've made it through Twilight and New Moon as well as the unedited, unpublished Midnight Sun (on Stephenie Meyer's website) in the last two weeks. Tonight, I'll start on Eclipse. If you've already read through the entire series, no spoilers, please, or I'll hunt you down and ship you off to the Volturi!

I'm having fun with it, too. Even more amazing: I woke up this morning with an incredible migraine and spent the whole day at work waiting for the moment I could finally crawl back into bed and shut out all the pain and nausea. But as soon as I hit the door, I was on my back on the couch, book in hand. It took me about a half an hour to realize that I was so absorbed in the plot that it had completely distracted me from the aching in my entire body. So I decided to just keep it up - if reading staved off my migraine, then I might as well just keep on reading. I managed to read 338 pages tonight and off the book.

I'm vowing to finish Shawn's box in the morning and get it mailed. My reward for staying on task? Reading Eclipse! :)

Seriously, who wouldn't be enthralled with the most romantic (and surprisingly realistic...ya know, except for the whole he's-a-vampire thing) tale of first love ever told?

Update on Fletch

I got word back from Fletch yesterday. He is doing fine. Without putting too much info out there, he's out of Madigan and staying at Ft. Lewis for now until he can get completely healed up.

He didn't sound all that thrilled to be back here. And if you know Fletcher, you know why. He's a big, burly go-get-'em type. He's the one person of all Shawn's soldiers who made the deployments easier because I knew he's a no-questions-asked kind of soldier. He's covered Shawn in ways other soldiers would hesitate. I know that when Shawn's got Fletcher by his side, nothing is going to destroy them short of a nuclear bomb targeted right at their heads, and even then there's still a chance Fletcher will squirrel them out of there. This isn't to say that Shawn's not a good fighter, but when he's with Fletch I know that he is equally matched and won't expend extra time and energy covering someone who needs help.

Keep Fletcher in your prayers so he can heal up quick and head to Afghanistan with Shawn, as planned.

Happy Birthday, Shawn!

My hubby is 41 today!! Yep, that's right - he's a tax baby. :)

Somehow, he's managed to be deployed for the last six birthdays, so we've never celebrated one together. :( He'll be gone again next year, too. He says they don't count if he's not here to celebrate them. So then by the time he's home to have a birthday, I'll be older than he is!!

Happy Birthday, baby!
He's gonna hate me for putting that picture up! Oh well!

I like sparkles!

I know I've been MIA again, but I have good reasons! I met someone new. He sparkles in the sun! :) Oh stop worrying. My friend, Laura, is a die hard Twilight fan and since she's coming to Washington next month for the first time ever, she wanted me to take her to Forks, WA, home of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. Realizing that I'd probably enjoy it more if I at least watched the movie, I NetFlixed Twilight and was immediately hooked. So I bought the first book for myself and started reading the 500 page novel...5 days ago...and I'm half-way through the final chapter. It's sooooo good! My box with the next two books in the series, the DVD, and the soundtrack arrived today, so I'm well on my way to becoming the next Twilight addict. So yes, reading (and fantacizing about Edward Cullen wisping me away into his secret meadow) has become my number one activity as of late.

A few updates on the deployment: we're almost done! The time seems to have flown by. I guess when you're busy it really REALLY helps. We had our first injuries a little over a week ago. A friend of ours, Harley, was smacked, but came out of it unscathed. Good for him, that stud.



Another good friend, Fletcher, got hit hard and took some shrapnel in both his legs. He's going to be okay, but he was sent home due to the severity of his injuries. I just hope he is able to continue riding his Harley (the motorcycle, not to be confused with Harley, the person) after all is said and done.




By the way, ladies, the last I heard he was single! I tried hooking one of my friends up with him, but she was too uncomfortable with the age difference. I tell you what, though, if it wasn't for Shawn I'd totally be chasing Fletch down! Legs or no!

I'm going to our National Guard Family Programs workshop in two weeks. I'll be staying for two nights at the Hyatt and attending breakout sessions during the days. It's a big thing put on by Operation Yellow Ribbon as part of the redeployment and reunion process for the families. A whole bunch of us are going, and I always relish a chance to stay in a nice hotel (for free, I might add).

This coming Saturday is military appreciation night at the Mariner's so I'm going with Petey-poo. As of now, he's still leaving in the June/July timeframe.

Shawn's good - he's got the Iraqi-itis bug as I call it. If you're super curious, I'll tell ya, but it's not something to learn about if you're queasy.

Anyway, Shawn may be getting leave afterall. They had originally wanted to send him to Ft. McCoy to train up the replacement team for three weeks, but changed their minds (as the Army always will do). They are still offering him two weeks leave before coming home, though. If he turns it down, that will mean 78 days of paid leave after he demobs. Sweet vacation time!! I just have to remember that unlike Shawn,

I don't have that much leave time! :) We'll see, though. We've been talking about a trip to Mexico and a lot of camping time. Just us, a tent, and our boots he he.

That's all for now! Stay sparkly!

I've been M.I.A.

Hi folks,
I've been lazy about blogging lately. It started off with feeling really crummy and not having the energy to write anything. But once I was all fixed and feeling better, it was just pure laziness that kept me from blogging - I just didn't feel like writing anything! :)

But not to fear - I'm still here and everything is going fine. I'm continuing to stay pretty busy and active and that's helping the time fly by.

This past weekend, I got into the gardens and pulled up all the dead overgrowth and all the living weeds. It was fun, dirty, muddy work. I pulled up a whole bunch of potatoes, even though the garden hasn't been touched in more than two years! I'm eager to get in there and get it planted. I'm planning squash, radishes, onions, cabbage, bell peppers, tomatoes, and cucumbers. I'm also wanting to build a potato box and grow a whole bunch of potatoes. Yay for spring!

I've been to a couple of really great Christian concerts lately, including Chris Tomlin's Hello Love tour and the Rock and Worship Roadshow. I had the opportunity this past Thursday to go backstage and meet Mercy Me! It was an awesome experience.

I also attended a new church. It was a nice place and the people were really welcoming without being too much up in my business, so I'm hoping this will become a new church home for me.

Things are picking up (hey, it's spring, what do you expect?) and as much as I'd like to blog every day, I just don't have the time or motivation to sit down long enough to do that. But I will try to do better on keeping everyone aprised.

And thank you, Tina, for the well-wishes! I've been thinking of you lately and hope all is well in your corner of the world! :)