I've got cilivian friends and military friends, friends who are going through a deployment, and friends who have yet to experience that, friends who have left their military husbands, active duty friends who have moved away, and they all play different roles.
Not long after the guys left, I started seeking out friends who were going through the same thing; someone with whom I could relate. I've found some really amazing friends through the FRG: Sarah and Stephanie, especially. Their husband and boyfriend are in the same plattoon as Shawn and so we are all experiencing the same schedule. While our situations are vastly different, we still have this one thing connecting us in a very strong way.
I also have friends who are going through a deployment with a completely different group, and so our experiences are varied, but the bond of being deployment survivors is what keeps us connected.
For both of those groups, we know that while our friendships are strong, when the guys get home, the friendships will change. We won't need each other quite as much and our focuses will branch out. My friends whose husbands are coming home sooner than Shawn won't be as readily available for those late-night phone calls once their deployments have ended. It's a fact of military life that most military spouses accept.
Then there are civilian friends. This has been a complicated one for me. I found that my civilian friends, through no fault of their own, aren't quite as understanding about what it's like to experience a deployment. They see what's on t.v. or in the movies, they might know what it's like to be separated for a year, but nothing can make them feel the worry or anxiety or fear that deployments bring. For this reason, I tend to pull away from my civilian friends a little and lean more on my fellow military wives. This has caused some uproar in the past. I was accused of "being distant" and "letting the friendship fall by the wayside". I've even been offered to be set up on a blind date. I don't go out to clubs, I get used to doing things alone (and I like it that way), and I have no problem hanging up the phone to take a call from one of the military wives (there's a reason for that, too). It's a juggling act, at the very least, but it's also a temporary stint as an ambassador between worlds. It's very difficult to maintain friendships with those who cannot relate, but I'm learning and I'm trying.
Somehow, one of my closest friends fits in to both the military and the civilian world. Laura, whose husband is a former Marine, is my book-reading, craft-making, wine-drinking buddy.
We've actually never met (except on myspace and facebook) and I can't even remember how we found each other in the first place except that it had something to do with the military. All I know is that she's still there. We joke, we encourage each other, we console and support each other, we offer to threaten harm to those who make the other mad, and we make long-held plans to show up on one or the other's doorstep with a bottle of wine and a movie. Somehow we've gone past the bonds that introduced us to each other and formed a real frienship that is unbreakable.
AWWWW Love you!!!!!
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